Sunday, 17 December 2017

Why Girls Hate Each Other

I take pride in my sexist, snarky ways.  I spend countless hours thinking of references that make me laugh that I am certain will go over the heads of all others.  Then some broad comes along and writes this.

cat fight

From Viceland, where chicks can actually write and stuff : 

If you think that things are good for women because you liked Bridesmaids and bought the new Beyonce song/lie about girls running things (sure about that, B?) and follow that one brown comedian chick on Twitter, then I have to ask you if you’re fucking retarded and didn’t notice that almost every single thing as it relates to girls is still the worst.


That is why I understand but am still obsessed with how much girls fucking despise each other. Like everyone else who grew up post-sexual revolution (Dear 1995 babies: that was before AIDS and after what we call “second wave feminism”; use your Google fingers), it was always fine and normal for boys and girls to be friends with each other – this stops when your guy friends start marrying assholes who don’t trust you, more on that later – but it was never the same. (We have to leave our gay boyfriends out of this because it’s just too complicated). It was/is haaaard for girls to be friends with girls. Yeah, this is all going to be really sexist, by the way, but I’m thirty, a militant feminist, politically queer, an ex-slut, straight-but-sort-of-bi and I’ve read every book, ever, so I’m allowed.


Like, if you know any pairs of best girlfriends who aren’t using some mutual admiration and in-jokes to cover a whole big thing of jealousy and resentment and let-downs and unspoken everything, you need to right now just lay down in front of them and ask for their mercy upon you because rest the fuck assured they are GODS.


Anyway. There are two essential truths about girl-on-girl friendship: 1) underneath the harsh hate-tokes, girls really, really, really love each other and understand that we’re part of an all-powerful pussy tribe bound by wisdom and empathy and being on the same period cycle and 2) we still want to kill and eat each other (not in a sexy way). Here’s why:


Trust: women are unbelievably into fucking, not in the context-free-sexual-encounter-anytime-anywhere sense but in the wants-to-get-way-wide-for-the-right-cock sense. So, while guys compete for the attentions and sexings of women in an explicit way, women compete in this sneaky-deaky bullshitty way, neg-ing their girls out of going for a potential lay, and most of all just being jerks about other women all the time to anyone who will listen.

Obviously, women evaluate women as sexual competitors and the reason we squeal so loud when we see each other is because we’re muffling the sound of Babe-Value Calculations that are happening in the one part of our math-brains that we use (sexist!). OK, this is happening less and less as we get cooler with each other’s sexual agency, but this is a Historical Document. Unless you are super-fucking-smooth-icy-cool, your friendship will sink or swim depending on your respective values. We build packs around our proxies, which is why a megababe is rarely friends with a normal.

This is also why you can’t (usually) stay friends with guys OR their girlfriends when they get into a serious relationship/married/babies. Even though it’s been 30 years since we all agreed that “platonic” exists, your man-pal’s gf/whoever is convinced that you want to bung him (as if!). Have you ever been at a party with your male friends’ girlfriends? It’s a panopticon, and the non-boyfriended girls are in the middle.


It’s less true that girls are jealous of other girls than they are fucking repulsed by themselves. The tall, thin girls want big tits; the milky-creamy thick ones want to go bra-less; the volleyball captains try so hard in their stilettos that it’s kind of hilarious. The only women I know who seem genuinely cool with their bodies are lesbians or extreme nerds. I remain mystified by those depressive-pixie silent-emo girls, the little ones with too-long bangs. What do they want? What do they do when they’re alone? Throw up their cigarettes?

Anyway, until somewhere later on–definitely not before 25–everyone wants what everyone else has, and it’s gross. The only universal, certain thing is that all girls want to be skinny, but everyone says “Ew, skinny is gross” while they’re masturbating to fashion magazines. Actually, white girls also rub it out to Rihanna, I know that much.

You’re not allowed to like your body (that would be “conceited”) but if your friends are cool feminist types you’re not allowed to try to change it, and if your friends are more, uh, standard-issue types, you’re not allowed to not try to change it. So even though your body is absolutely implicated in girl-girl friendships in a way that it isn’t in guy-girl friendships (until you end up sleeping together, HA HA ON YOU, SHITTY GIRLFRIENDS), there is a simultaneous culture of dishonesty, resentment, faking it and (the worst part) mandated reassurances of “you’re beautiful” and “you’re gorgeous” and “I’d kill for your legs.” COOL. Picture me air-barfing into my palm and tossing it at this whole idea.


Here’s what you do with guys: aggressively consume, comment on and catalogue movies and music and shows and books. Here’s what you do with girls: talk and shop. I’m not kidding. Those are the rules. You’re supposed to be bonding and sharing (and I want to do those things! I do want to talk about your day!) but there’s no reason to really try to make them laugh or be impressed by how much you know about hardcore bands (EVERYTHING). Girls who like to like stuff usually do this with guys instead of together which is called “gendered social conditioning” and also “sad.”


Here’s an example of the purest girl love I can think of: my friend Alexis, who is simultaneously the sweetest/cookie-bakingest/nicest girl and the one with the most and most fucked-up tattoos, was eating brunch (BRUNCH!) at a Creole place and kept talking about the “ahhhhhm-biant jaaaaahms,” which means “ambient jams” in a Julia Child voice. What!? Who is this woman? I have these other girls, too (Anna, Star, Maggie, like six Amys) who are also living embodiments of my friendship wet-dreams. But what the fuck am I going to do with that? I can’t fuck them, I can’t be them and I know from experience that girl love will turn into ash quicker and meaner than any boyfriend’s. It’s too much. This is why the internet has morphed into an avenue for girl-on-girl approval. Like Like Like Like @ @ @ @!!!! It is a circle jerk until somebody says something you don’t like and then it’s all passive-aggressive “Uh, sure…” and you have to start again.


Here is the thing: Even though Beyonce is wrong about girls running the world, and would be a hypocrite if she had anything to do with her songs/videos/style/life, women really do have a lot of choices, but also a lot of institutional low self-esteem, and therefore an inability to manage those choices, which an old medicine man (Douglas Coupland) called “option paralysis.” The whole thing of getting married and having babies and buying houses and whatever is starting to feel like the most hysterical joke ever played on half (all?) of the population. I can’t even get into it. The point is, as a first-world woman with a university degree I can do whatever I want (until the next time I get raped and have to take Plan B and sleep for two days, OOPS!) and so can all my friends. This is also true for guys, but shut up, because guys do not spend time actively judging each other’s choices. Like, all of their choices. No matter how you do your life, some girl you know is going to hate you for it. We hate each other. #meaningful.


Follow Kate on Twitter @katecarraway



Read the rest at Vice Magazine: GIRL NEWS: WHY GIRLS HATE EACH OTHER - Viceland Today 


Former Dominatrix Releases Tell-All Memoir

I'm probably a little too vanilla to comment on this subject.  I'll let someone more experienced take the reigns.  

Whip smart melissa febos

NPR whips it into shape :

Melissa Febos' memoir, Whip Smart, details the four years she spent working as a dominatrix. Febos enacted fantasy sequences, spanked grown men and verbally humiliated them for $75 an hour in a dungeon located somewhere in midtown Manhattan.

Febos, who writes that she got started in sex work to pay for a drug habit, tells Terry Gross that working in a dungeon felt like "being in a womb."

"Pretty much all of the dungeons were outfitted with some sort of coat rack-related thing that had all sorts of floggers, riding crops," she says. "We had giant coils of rope in our utility closet — like thousands of feet that we would just cut off when you needed it. There were gas masks and cages and a big hanging Inquisition-style cage in the red room. And there were mirrors along all of the walls, and they were really vast — and with all of the walls and the ceilings painted, it had a very specific effect."

That effect, says Febos, was creating a fantasy world for her clients — and for herself.

"In the beginning, it did feel pretty powerful to act out those roles, but after a little while it wasn't my fantasy in most cases," she says. "In a lot of ways, [enacting the scenarios] felt more humiliating to me than it did to them."

Febos currently teaches writing at Utica College. She received an MFA from Sarah Lawrence College.

melissa febos  Photo by : Caitlin Delohery

Interview Highlights

On the dungeon rooms

"My dungeon sort of specialized in medical fantasies. I mean, and I think that most people are probably familiar with the iconic fantasy of the sexy nurse, and a lot of the fantasies sort of ran along those lines. But our medical rooms were actually more pristine and stylish than most of the doctors' offices that I've been in. They had eye charts and anatomical models and great, big dentist lights that came down on arms from the ceiling, and the kind of examination tables that everyone's familiar with - with stirrups and complete with the paper that rolls down over the seat. And we had all stainless-steel cabinets with every kind of probe and scope and pincher and clamp that you could imagine."

On role-playing

"I acted out just about every typically feminine role that you can imagine. There was a lot of nurturance involved, and a lot of people came there to be abused in some ways. But to be in the presence of someone who's powerful and to submit to the control of another person in this context, it didn't always include nastiness or cruelty or humiliation. A lot of times it did, but a lot of times they wanted to just, to trust someone else, to sort of hand the reins over to someone else. And in a lot of the scenes that I would play out, I would end up being very nurturing and reassuring and just in control."

Find Whip Smart here. Read more interview highlights here.

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Adrianne Curry Kicked Out Of Comic Con

Obviously San Diego didn't want its Comic fanboys calling on the Jizz Wizard and creating long bathroom lines when they decided that Adrianne Curry was showing a little bit too much ass.  Considering some of the other females and their costumes, you'd think that this would be a welcome reprieve.  You know how some women just shouldn't wear spandex?

 adrianne curry comic con aeon flux

Curry as Aeon Flux.  What the fuck was that show about anyways?

The Daily Fix has all your cosplay needs:

Apparently there is a limit to how close cosplay can get to foreplay at Comic-Con. Nerd babe and America’s Next Top Model winner Adrianne Curry says she got kicked out for showing an “illegal” amount of butt cheek. She had to tie a shirt around her waist to get back in. Meanwhile, this completely naked NSFW Daenerys (is that a dinosaur toy with cardboard wings above her crotch to represent a dragon?) perseveres. Not to mention Katy Perry gets to flash her ass at a kid’s movie premiere and Adrianne gets kicked out for dressing up as a comic character at an event where you’re expected to represent a character… interesting contrast there. Luckily Adrianne brought along another outfit, a skin tight slutty Imperial Officer’s uniform. But really, I don’t give a damn what kind of nerdery she’s wearing, she can jump on my lightsaber any day!

adrianne curry comic con imperial officer

This would have made Luke join the dark side.

Excuse me while I summon the Jizz Wizard. See more pics here.


Eco-Friendly Mushroom Burial Suit

Parrot blog resume in 3..., 2..., 1.  Well, this is actually a pretty smart and interesting idea.  Unlike the "most useless Japanese inventions," which I still totally want.  This may be the answer to some of the postmortem issues that we face.

No. This chick is not a raver.

Disinfo makes a certain plumber wonder :

Someday the lifeless bodies of all of us may be laid into the cold earth zipped snugly in the outfit at right. Artist Jae Rhim Lee designed her mushroom burial suit to address how we part with the dead — “By trying to preserve the body we poison the living.” The garment is embedded with spores of toxin-cleaning, flesh-eating mushrooms that will consume the corpse wearing it, leaving the earth cleansed and renewed as we make our exit:

The first prototype of the Infinity Burial Suit is a body suit embroidered with thread infused with mushroom spores. The embroidery pattern resembles the dendritic growth of mushroom mycelium. The Suit is accompanied by an Alternative Embalming Fluid, a liquid spore slurry, and Decompiculture Makeup, a two-part makeup consisting of a mixture of dry mineral makeup and dried mushroom spores and a separate liquid culture medium. Combining the two parts and applying them to the body activates the mushroom spores to develop and grow.

Check out more here : Infinity Burial Project


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